Self reflection

Hi. I 'm back to blog again after Missing In Action for a long time for about 4 to 5 months.

I even MIA away from MSN and SMS during the past few weeks. Isn't that what they call anti-social? Ha.

The reason of why I been anti-social this past few weeks, is because i'm been feeling depress about my life, my studies etc. I need to re-think about it.
My results for my exams were out and the results were so bad. I flunked my exams all thanks to my laziness. I guess Poly and Uni life doesn't suit me at all with all the free time slots during the days.

Causes I do not have the heart to study at home as it too comfortable for me, I do not like the idea of travelling out of my home when I need to spend the transport fee consider that I be spending money.

After all, I quit my job just to go into full time study? Isn't that pathetic? Ha. Even I laugh at myself, that Uni course now evenly open up for part time course instead of only full time course.

People asking me if I regret going into full-time? Well, to say I don't have, is to bluff people. Cause when I was thinking of taking a course to study, I got think of study part time, but the course doesn't have part time course when I want to take it. Beside, I also see my friend working and study part time, it seen hard, so I decided to take the pluck by taking the full time course since that my parents support me to go for studies again.

At least by going full time studies, let me realise that it doesn't really matter if you got a lot of free time to study consider of the time in days but it the will of studying. The reality of the results really hit me hard in the face.

I been pondering if I want to continue with my studies. I know that even flunked my exams i still can retake it but the school fee is not cheap. It cost a few thousands dollars more.

But my father's health has not been good. He got dengue fever during my study period, even thought now he already recovered from it, he been complaining that his hands and legs are constant in pain (think maybe of his old age). Ask him to go for checkup, he do not want it.

Most of my friends know that i closest to my father, it really pain me to see him got to work hard from morning 8am to night 10pm everyday regardless rain or shine for 362 days(minus off the Chinese New Year) to repair dented cars consider that he self-employ and one man show for his car workshop. If there is work, then there is money but there are some days there isn't any cars for him to repair and he just stay around in his workshop just to wait for customers to come with their cars. Sometimes, he would get injure cause of the metal or the glasses from the car part. He need to worry about my expensive school fee and now cause of my laziness, he need to pay extra more money for my school fee. Even my mom gone out to work just because of my school fee. Her legs weren't so good either consider of her menopause.

That why I need to re-think of my life and my studies. Should I give up my studies and go back to work force? Or should I continue with my studies right now?

Life in Singapore is hard, now almost everyone got at least a degree. If I don't constant upgrade myself in knowledge, I would be leave behind but Uni course isn't as easy as ABC in pre-school.

I hate myself for been so lazy, undecide of my future and been wasting my parents'money. That why I been closing up myself to those people around me, I don't even dare to tell my parents of my results, till this week, cause escaping of the reality doesn't help in a way, it doesn't make the world stop.

After I told my mom, she doesn't blame me. She let me decide if I want to continue my Uni course or go back to work force.

Since that, now, my thought has been straighten. I decide to quit my Uni course and go out to work. That doesn't mean that I give up my studies for good. I would work and study part time for my Uni course.

I guess, like what most elders say, "you don't feel pain when you aren't spending your money."
But i feel the pain of my parents' hard work for me.